Self-esteem · Individual therapy · Chicago
Self-Esteem Therapy in Chicago
You may look capable to other people while privately feeling inadequate, comparing yourself, or worrying that one mistake will change how others see you. Therapy gives you room to understand that pressure and develop a more balanced relationship with yourself.
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What you may be noticing
- Criticizing yourself long after a mistake or awkward conversation
- Dismissing compliments while holding on to criticism
- Comparing your progress, appearance, or achievements with other people
- Seeking reassurance or saying yes when you want to set a limit
- Avoiding opportunities because you expect to fall short
These are possible starting points. Your experience and priorities will guide our work.
Understanding the inner critic.
We can explore where your expectations came from, what activates self-criticism, and how it affects your choices. You may have learned to measure your worth through performance, approval, or being useful to others.
The goal is to make room for a fuller picture: your strengths, limits, needs, and values. We can take difficult feedback seriously without treating it as a verdict on who you are.
How you learned to measure yourself
Self-esteem work can begin by listening to the rules you use to decide whether you are acceptable. You may feel worthwhile when you are useful, attractive, productive, or easy to be around, then feel that worth disappear after criticism. We can examine where those standards came from and whose expectations you are still carrying.
I am interested in the experiences that complicate those rules, too. Perhaps you can be patient with a friend but harsh with yourself, or feel capable at work and small around family. Those differences help us understand the situations in which you lose access to a more balanced view of yourself.
Bringing the inner conversation into the room
You might describe a mistake and immediately call yourself incompetent. I may invite us to slow down: what happened, what responsibility belongs to you, and what did you add about who you are as a person? We can make room for embarrassment without treating a single event as a verdict on your entire character.
Our relationship can also be useful. If you worry that I am disappointed in you, or feel pressure to be an easy client, we can talk about that directly. You do not have to earn a place in the session by being agreeable, insightful, or visibly improving.
Building a steadier sense of worth
The work may include noticing when you dismiss positive feedback, expressing a preference you normally hide, or choosing a boundary without a long defense. These are ways to practice treating your experience as something that deserves consideration.
We will look for a sense of worth that can withstand ordinary disappointment. Progress may show up as less self-attack after a setback, more room for your own needs, or a growing ability to accept care without feeling that you must immediately repay it.
Making room to receive care
Being useful may come easily; letting someone do something for you may feel uncomfortable. You might return every favor immediately, hide a disappointment, or reassure others before you have named your own needs. These ordinary moments can help us understand the conditions you place on being cared for.
In our work, I may ask what you imagine would happen if a friend knew you needed more support. We can consider the relationship as it actually is, including whether care travels in both directions. Personal boundaries and self-compassion may become part of building a steadier sense of worth.
Questions you may be asking
Can I have low self-esteem while appearing confident?
Yes. You may feel capable in a professional role and become highly self-critical in close relationships. We can explore where that change happens and what you believe you must do to remain accepted.
Will you ask me to use positive affirmations?
We will discuss what feels believable and useful to you. A starting point might be describing a mistake accurately, noticing a need, or allowing a compliment to stand without arguing with it. You do not have to force enthusiasm about yourself.
What if I worry that you will judge me too?
You can bring that worry into the session. Understanding what you expect from me, and how you respond when you feel exposed, can give us a direct way to work with the pattern. I welcome questions and feedback about our work.
A place to begin
Let’s make room for what you need.
A free 15-minute consultation gives us a chance to talk about what is difficult, answer your questions, and consider whether working together fits what you need.