Personal growth · Individual therapy · Chicago
Self-Compassion Therapy in Chicago
You may speak to yourself in ways you would never speak to someone you care about. Self-criticism can feel like the only way to stay accountable, even when it leaves you discouraged.
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What you may be noticing
- Harsh inner commentary after mistakes
- Difficulty accepting ordinary limits
- Treating your own needs as an inconvenience
Your experience may look different. These examples are starting points for a conversation.
How we can work on this
We can examine the purpose criticism has served and try responses that allow honesty without humiliation. That may include acknowledging a mistake, deciding what repair is possible, and recognizing what additional punishment does not solve.
I am Sam Rustum, LCPC. My work is collaborative: we will discuss your priorities, choose a starting point, and check whether our approach is useful to you.
Understanding why criticism feels necessary
You may believe that being hard on yourself is what keeps you responsible. A gentler response can sound like permission to repeat a mistake or stop trying. Before asking you to change that response, I want to understand what you believe the criticism prevents.
We might take an ordinary mistake and examine the inner conversation that follows. What needs correcting? What did you learn? At what point does the response turn from useful attention into a personal attack? This can help us look for language and actions that fit the situation more accurately.
I am trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS). When it fits our work, we can explore the part of you that uses criticism to keep you moving and what it fears would happen otherwise. You can take that concern seriously while considering another way to respond. Perfectionism and self-esteem may also be relevant when mistakes seem to determine your worth.
Questions you may be asking
Is self-compassion the same as making excuses?
It can include acknowledging a mistake, taking responsibility, and making a repair. We can examine whether a particular response helps you learn and follow through. Compassion can make room for the full situation, including limits and consequences.
What if kind language toward myself feels fake?
We can start with a response that feels accurate enough to use. That may mean describing an event without an insult, recognizing that a task was difficult, or identifying one next action. You do not need to begin with praise.
Can we work on this if criticism has motivated me for years?
Yes. We can understand what that pattern has helped you accomplish and what it costs now. Change can involve small experiments with another response, followed by an honest look at what happened. Your concerns about losing motivation deserve attention.
A place to begin
Let’s make room for what you need.
A free 15-minute consultation gives us a chance to talk about what is difficult, answer your questions, and consider whether working together fits what you need.