When Good Enough Never Feels Enough: 3 Ways to Work on Perfectionism

Oct 8

Written By s r

You finish a demanding day, but your attention goes straight to the one thing you could have done better. A short email takes twenty minutes because you keep rewriting it. Even when others appreciate your work, you feel behind. If this sounds familiar, perfectionism may be taking up more space than you want.

High standards can help you pursue meaningful goals. They become costly when every outcome feels like a verdict on your worth, or when the effort to avoid mistakes leaves little room for rest and connection. Here are three places to begin.

1. Decide what the task actually requires

Before starting, write a clear description of a finished result. For a routine email, that might mean answering the question accurately, checking the details once, and sending it. The goal is to match your effort to the task.

Try this with something ordinary and low stakes. Keep essential professional and safety checks in place. A casual dinner invitation does not need the same review as a clinical decision or a legal filing.

2. Notice the rule underneath the pressure

Ask yourself what a mistake would seem to mean. You might notice a rule such as, “If I need help, I am not capable,” or “People will lose respect for me if I do not have an answer.” Write down a more flexible response you could practice.

For example: “I can prepare carefully and still ask a question.” Then try it in a manageable situation. Afterwards, compare what actually happened with what you predicted. You are gathering information, rather than demanding that you feel confident immediately.

3. Make room for a life beyond performance

Look at your week. Where is there space to be a friend, enjoy something, or rest without producing a result? Choose one small activity that matters to you and give it a place on the calendar.

That might be a walk through your Chicago neighborhood, a meal with someone you care about, or an evening with a hobby you are still learning. Notice if you start grading your performance at relaxing, too. You can return to the activity without turning it into another assignment.

Talking about perfectionism in therapy

You may be used to being the dependable person who keeps everything moving. Therapy can offer room to explore that pressure, the expectations you carry, and the cost of trying to meet them. You do not need a polished explanation before starting.

Schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Sam Rustum Therapy in Chicago to talk about what you would like support with.

This article offers general education and does not replace personalized mental health care.

Further reading: Centre for Clinical Interventions resources on perfectionism.

When you start grading your progress, too

You might try sending a routine message after one review, then criticize yourself because you still felt anxious. Or you might set aside time to rest and spend it deciding whether you are relaxing correctly. Notice when the same demanding rules show up inside your attempt to change them.

A more specific reflection can give you something to discuss: What did I notice? What choice did I make? What was difficult afterwards? You may have made a different choice while still having familiar thoughts. You may also decide that the step you chose was too large or that an important responsibility needed more attention.

These details can shape the next conversation in therapy. You do not need to present an uninterrupted record of improvement. We can talk about the moments when the pressure returned, the cost of fighting it, and the kind of response you want to practice next.