5 Ways to Cope With Loneliness During the Holidays
The holidays can make loneliness feel especially visible. Photos of gatherings and messages about togetherness may touch a painful place if you are grieving, living away from loved ones, newly single, or feeling disconnected. Being lonely does not mean you have failed. You deserve connection and care even when the season looks different from what you hoped.
1. Name the kind of connection you miss
Try to be specific about the feeling. Are you missing a particular person, companionship, familiar traditions, or the feeling of being understood? Each need may call for something different. Grief might need space to remember someone; a quiet evening might call for a conversation. You do not have to talk yourself out of sadness to respond kindly to it.
2. Send one concrete invitation
Instead of waiting for someone to guess how you feel, try a small invitation: “Would you like to get coffee this week?” or “Could we have a short call on Thursday?” Give the person something clear to respond to. If they are unavailable, that can hurt, but it does not establish that you are unwanted.
3. Look for connection you can return to
Consider a shared-interest group, a class, a community gathering, or a volunteer role that fits your capacity. In Chicago, libraries and park programs can be starting points to explore; check current offerings and accessibility before attending. An online group can also be an option. Familiarity often takes repeated visits, so the first meeting does not have to feel like instant belonging.
4. Create a tradition that fits your life now
Choose something modest: cook a favorite meal, watch a familiar film, take a walk, or set aside time to remember someone you miss. You can invite another person or do it on your own. A new tradition does not replace what you lost; it gives this season a little structure and something chosen by you.
5. Ask for support when loneliness feels heavy
Notice whether loneliness is affecting sleep, appetite, motivation, or your ability to manage daily life. Reach out to a trusted person or a mental health professional. You do not have to wait for a crisis to seek help. If you are having thoughts of suicide or need immediate emotional support in the U.S., call or text 988. In a life-threatening emergency, call 911.
Support in Chicago
I am Sam Rustum, LCPC, a therapist in Chicago. If you would like support with anxiety, boundaries, or feeling disconnected, contact Sam Rustum Therapy to explore a free 15-minute consultation.
This article offers general education and does not replace individualized mental health care.
Further reading: CDC: Improving Social Connectedness
When you feel lonely in a room full of people
You may attend a gathering, talk to everyone, and leave feeling that no one learned anything about you. Perhaps the conversation stays with work updates and other people's plans. You answer that you are doing fine while wondering whether anyone would make room for a more honest answer.
Consider whether there is one person with whom you would like a different kind of conversation. You can choose a quieter moment and share something specific: “I have found the holidays harder this year than I expected.” You decide how much detail to offer. The other person's response can help you understand what the relationship can hold.
It may also help to notice your role at gatherings. Are you always hosting, organizing, or making sure everyone else is comfortable? Think about whether there is a moment when you could sit down, ask for help, or let someone else take the lead.
In therapy, we can explore what makes it difficult to be known as well as what makes it difficult to find company. Read more about loneliness and disconnection, self-esteem, and personal boundaries.